HEADLINE: Bernie’s Bird Forces Fellow Candidates to Seek the Approval of Animals

 

How magical! In the middle of a Bernie Sanders speech a few days ago, a bird landed on his podium.

 

bernie bird_1458945028370_1169175_ver1.0

And like that, Bernie Sanders became Snow White.

“Let me tell you something about Wall Street, little bird…”

 

It was a beautiful moment. But not every animal in the kingdom is as progressive as that bird.

 

First , a vampire bat weighed in…

trump bat

“Just look how much bigger my bird is, ladies and gentlemen…”

 

Then, Ted Cruz received the endorsement of a hard-working family of dung beetles.

cruz beetle

“They live in my mouth.”

 

Hillary, naturally, wanted her own inspirational bird, so she hired “Bubo,” from 1981’s Clash of the Titans.

hillary owl

“I…I..don’t know where this delightful animatronic bird came from.”

 

And of course, for the last two weeks a sloth has been living on the crook of John Kasich’s arm.

kasich sloth

 

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